Where do We Go From Here?
Remember, it starts with you. . .you create the world you want to see and the ripples just flow from there. So, how do we survive in a world that does not support sisterhood and life keeps putting this wound back in our face, especially while we are working on these wounds? Micro shifts lead to Macro shifts! Here are some ways that you can bring awareness to how you are perpetuating or feeding more to the sisterhood wound and how to see yourself out of it to keep on your healing journey.
Gossip
When gossiping starts or someone starts to speak bad of another person, especially among women:
Politely excuse yourself from the conversation
Physically leave the conversation
Change the subject
Bring more vulnerability, depth and connection by just being honest with how this is making you feel and what you are trying to do (not gossip)
We can say “I don’t feel comfortable” or “I don’t want to talk about another person”, or “This is not what you want to talk about”. Instead, we can say “Let’s talk about what is going on with you in your life.”
Sometimes we are not comfortable yet and if we can just start with not participating, that is the start we need! We all have our different comfort levels and because this has been so “normalized” and we may feel uncomfortable and fearful to speak up. That is ok. Keep practicing!
If we find ourselves in the midst of gossiping, ask“Why am I gossiping about this person?”, “Do I feel that this person is a threat to me or someone I love?” “Am I feeling insecure about something?”
Commiserating
Commiserating is like the saying “misery loves company”. For instance, a girlfriend comes up to you and says how she hates a certain woman. A lot of the time, as women, we think we are helping when we respond with “oh yeah, she is awful, I don’t know how you handle this. She is such a &%%%#$.“ This is us trying to connect through shared misery and instead of helping, it leads to pity, more misery and exacerbates our problems. When we focus on everything that is wrong, we create a world dominated by those ideas. . . You see, we are always trying to connect, we have just been taught the wrong way on how to do this. This is a very unconscious thing that we do, but we can catch ourselves and flip it around. How can we hold space for vulnerability vs commiserating?
Being accountable and empowering others to shift. Not allowing each other to stay stuck in our looping or negative “stories”.
Show up with Empathy - the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. So you are feeling WITH someone. Not sympathy, where we feel sorry for someone.
Here is a great video where Brene Brown explains Empathy vs. Sympathy. A must watch!
Don’t silver line it. Just be in it with the other person, LISTEN to LISTEN or UNDERSTAND, not to RESPOND
Acknowledge their pain, sadness, hurt but don’t wallow in it with them or try to make it better.
If we catch ourselves in a commiserating moment, just let it play out, but then, follow it up with some positive or neutral aspect about our life so that we don’t end with commiseration. We can also ask if our friend want’s help trying to solve an issue or feeling or just wants us to listen.
Contraction
This is another biggie here! Dimming our light so that others do not feel bad about themselves. This one is a biggie for me. I do this, a lot, we have all been here. Minimizing our efforts like it is no big deal when we have better or done better than another woman. We may have been told or taught that we were too much or had more beauty, brains, athletic, etc and made others feel uncomfortable or bad around us and so we dimmed our light. We feel guilty about our successes or try to fit in, so we play it off like no big deal or it was luck.
Sister, let me tell you. We are here to change this paradigm and it starts with you! To remember our sisters, to remember our truth, to remember our light, to remember that we are all one, to remember that we are all in this together. To remember what we see in another sister is what we see in ourselves, so SHINE!!!!
Do not downplay our success or good fortune. Do not let another woman downplay this either in herself!
Encourage & Empower other women on their successes and wins. Let them know you see their light!
Celebrate the women in your life! The big and the little. Let them know you appreciate and celebrate their light.
As we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
-Marianne Williamson
As we finish up the last of the 5 series on the Sisterhood wound, I encourage you to go back as many times as you need to, reflect, especially when you get triggered. I hope this helps you to at least be aware and recognize that we all have this wound and that this information, healing and tips give you a starting point in healing so that we can all start the healing. You truly do make a difference and what you do makes a ripple in the collective. So, we need to show the world what we want, and it starts with you and your dream of the collective. I want to leave you with this sweet Sister. You are seen, You are heard, You are Loved!
